Les Épiphanies

Well, it finally hit me…… I am on my study abroad. Silly, I know. I’ve been in France for almost three weeks and I’m only just coming to this realization now. It hit me in the Musée D’Orsay yesterday. I was wandering around the museum by myself (arrived with the girls then we all split up to see the museum at our own individual paces) and I was suddenly overcome with the realization that I am in France on my study abroad. I was looking at all the gorgeous impressionist paintings and I was just overcome by the fact that there is nowhere else in the world where I could have this same experience. Plus, Facebook just asked me if I want to change my language settings to French so I must be here!

School is right around the corner so the French vacation that has been these last three weeks is quickly coming to an end. I am still so, so confused about pretty much everything concerning my program. A lot of the other kids are starting to panic but I am trying to stay calm and cool. Even normal French students have trouble with the French university system so I am trying to tell myself that what seems unorganized to me is just the French way, ie posting things at the last minute. Maybe this is too generous of me, too much cultural relativism or something, but it is keeping me more relaxed so I am going with it. Tomorrow (Friday) is a big day. The class assignments for Reid Hall (my classes with other Americans, en francias, bien sûr) will be posted and I should be able to find the days/times for the classes I am interested in taking at Université de Paris 12. Unfortunately, class times for Paris 12 are not posted online but only posted on the bulletin board outside of the secretariat of the geography department. I’ve already been out to Paris 12 once this week and it takes an hour by metro from my house so the schedule had better be up as promised tomorrow.

Things are pretty good here with the D’Ussel’s but I still have a lot of questions. The family is pretty much in fall mode already and my room is at the end of the hall so I don’t get to talk to them all that much. Dinner is when I see them and get to talk but I don’t talk that much at dinner. I can usually only understand half of their conversation so I rarely get to pipe in. We were given a little contract sheet to sign with our host families so that will be a good excuse to ask all my questions. My biggest concern is eating dinner with my family. Our program only pays for three meals a week (later only two meals per week) but Caroline never mentioned anything about giving me space in the fridge or cabinets for me to put food that I will eventually buy to make lunches/ cook my own dinners. Also, won’t it be awkward for me to be trying to cook a little dinner for myself if my host mother is in the middle of cooking dinner for the family? Once I get my schedule finalized, it should be easier to figure this all out but it is kind of stressing me out right now. I just need to buck up the courage and ask my host mother about all the little things we haven’t talked about. I still feel like the awkward American kid, a feeling that I never really got with the Marliers. I was warned that I am more like a renter than an exchange student in Paris but I don’t want to be the random girl down the hall that eats with the family occasionally. I want to get to know these people, I am staying in their home after all.

Looking at this post, as I’m writing, it pretty much epitomizes the ups and down of being abroad. My experience is complicated by the fact that I am living with a family and not in dorm style housing but I know everybody must be experiencing this to some degree. I can have an épiphanie one minute about how wonderful it is to be here and then have a really difficult time with something as simple as a conversation about where to put my groceries the next. I am trying to take everything that comes at me in stride. I have noticed that I am able to handle a lot more now than I ever could have handled a year ago. Whenever I am in unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or just flat out intimidating situations, I just tell myself “Suck it up, you’re twenty years old, Mom and Dad aren’t here to help you right now.” I really have no choice, as I see it. I either do what I gotta do or have a miserable time. Between Washington and Paris, my one chance at being twenty is shaping up to be pretty epic. I can’t afford be to be scared so I’ve just got to prendre mon courage à deux mains!

Ok, that’s enough introspective mumbo jumbo for one evening. In a city as beautiful as Paris, I can’t help myself!

(The picture was taken on the outside balcony at the Musée d'Orsay. Sacre Coeur is teeny tiny at the top of the hill behind me and the Louvre is on the far right.)